How is your heart?

collectively heavy-hearted, flooding & reactivity, containment, oxytocin boosting prompts

I’ve been thinking about our hearts again. I wrote about them in Nov 2020 as we emerged from a long lockdown here in Melbourne -

“I have a deeper appreciation for all our hearts. How much we are feeling, carrying, churning, reaching out. If you are overwhelmed, give yourself some time to feel your heart. Sit quietly and let it move you. Feel it spiralling in your chest, pulsating in your neck, your palms, the soles of your feet. Feel the flow of your lifeblood.”

And lately it seems we are collectively heavy-hearted again. Or maybe I am more sensitive to stories of heartache.

My GP sent me for a routine ECG this month and it was fascinating to see the heart rhythm as a visual pattern. My heart rate has been unusually low, so after ruling out any serious causes, I have been reading about polyvagal theory again. Particularly co-regulation, dysregulation, and the stress response called flooding.

Flooding is a reaction to an uncomfortable or stressful situation that is past your threshold of coping, with no means of escape. You may appear calm, but you are beyond reactivity, shut down. This leaves you prone to extreme outbursts of reactivity and other negative symptoms later.

“Not all stillness is calm; compliance is not always consent. And stress, appeasement, or calming signals can easily be missed or misread.”

This quote is from Sarah Schlote, a psychologist and somatic experiencing practitioner, who works with horse-human trauma recovery.

I find her resources about our shared mammalian nervous system so useful. I actually find it easier to understand when the information is about animals rather than humans. You can find her work here.

Here’s our dog Maggie co-regulating with her friend Lilly. I’m learning so much from her about reactivity, and how containment and boundaries regulate the nervous system. Once you tune in, it is simpler to read body language and non-verbal cues than words. The complexity of words often confuses things.

I’ve found the boost of oxytocin that comes from pets a benefit too. Oxytocin is the hormone of contentment and love. Known for its important role in birth, it’s also vital for social connection and soothing the nervous system.

Does your heart and nervous system need nourishing with more oxytocin? We all have different ways of stimulating oxytocin, but the basic idea is, do what makes the mammalian parts of you feel safe, secure and cosy.

Here are some of my oxytocin boosting prompts:

• wrap up warmly in extra layers that feel like a hug

• watch Hydration a short film from Saltwater Songlines

  “As you soak in these moving images and sounds, allow them to flow both over and through you. The fluids of earth balance your own; both, regulate your nervous system.”

• write yourself a Letter From Love inspired by Liz Gilbert

  “Child, listen to me. Look at me. Do you think you’ll get in trouble for staring straight into the sunlight of your own remarkable existence? For hearing about your own simple greatness? Do you think you’re so special that you’re the one thing in creation that isn’t amazing?”

• listen to Tyson Yunkaporta’s dream walk

  From his book Sand Talk, recorded as a sound installation for an art exhibition called Revealed in 2017

• read How to rest the heart by Camille Dawnier

  “…not by shutting down, but by living through every pulse with a bit of courage, a bit of quiet, and a lot of soul… Remember, the heart knows what it needs, even if you don’t.”

Warm hugs,

Emily